No More Guesswork When Looking for Love

Men Chase, Women Choose is warm and witty with a perfect balance of science and insight. You’ll find yourself wondering why a book of this magnitude didn’t come out sooner. But like everything else in life, all in due time.” – Gabe Berman, author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

“Understanding the anthropological principles that underlie our responses to love does not lessen its beauty and enigmatic wonder, but allows us to clearly view love as a biological responsibility.”- Lisa McCourt, author of Juicy Joy: 7 Simple Steps to Your Glorious, Gutsy Self
the-science-of-love-book
A question that seems as old as time comes closer to a definitive answer than ever before ― What is love? In Men Chase, Women Choose, Dawn Maslar, MS, provides engaging insights into one of life’s most elusive and misunderstood topics by offering science-based research to help anyone discover and sustain love. Maslar’s relatable and easy-to-read book uses the most relevant neurological, physiological, and biochemical studies on the science of love, while incorporating stories and examples based on participants of her popular classes and seminars.

For the past decade, the “love biologist” has been using her cutting-edge research to describe how the brain works when two people first meet, start to date, fall in love, and then move on to a more passionate, lifelong love. Even simpler, she breaks down her love science into four precisely timed phases:

1.    Attraction
2.    Dating
3.    Falling in love
4.    Real love

During these phases, Maslar explains that “love” is actually neural activity as well as the presence or absence of certain neurotransmitters. Most people associate love with the euphoric feeling during which anxiety is low or nonexistent among these brain signals. However, Maslar demonstrates that levels of anxiety and other feelings can fluctuate throughout love’s path. “Love isn’t just one thing that you luckily fall into,” says Maslar. “Finding and maintaining lifelong love is a process … Because the stages are different, you can feel different emotions during each phase.”

Maslar reasons that once we understand how love works, we can make educated decisions. Men Chase, Women Choose helps readers in this boundless endeavor by addressing all those time-honored questions like:

•    Does love at first sight really exist?
•    Who should make the first move?
•    What happens to your brain when you fall in love?
•    Why won’t he commit?
•    Why does love make us crazy?
•    What can you do to have love that lasts a lifetime?

Readers can expect answers involving how love is a biological need, the “natural laws” of love, purposes of the brain’s anatomy, and how testosterone and other biochemical differences between men and women affect how we love. Maslar states, “When you understand the science of love, it will help you easily and effortlessly find nourishing and passionate, long-lasting love.”

More praise for Men Chase, Women Choose

“Whether in between relationships or currently in one, readers will find valuable insight on how men and women interact with each other and what dynamics long-term relationships need to work. Maslar mixes scientific concepts, often with humor, making it a light and enjoyable read. – Theresa Braun, author of Groom and Doom: A Greek Love Story and dating blogger.

“Finally, a book that doesn’t treat finding true love like a Nora Ephron movie! Biology, nature, evolution … they all play a role in helping us find that special someone. Or in keeping them from us forever. – Eric Rogell, author of The Art of War for Dating

About the Author:

tnDawn Maslar, MS, award-winning author, adjunct biology professor and the go-to authority on the science of love. She was voted one of theTop 20 Most Followed Dating Experts on Twitter and Best 28 Dating, Marriage and Relationship Blogs in the UK to follow in 2015. She is a contributing author at scienceofrelationship.com, a collection of leading experts in the field of scientific relationship research. She is a TEDx speaker on How Your Brain Falls in Love and worked with the TED Education division to create their Science of Attraction video. Her work has been featured on South Florida Today, Pittsburgh Tribune and NPR. Her online videos have had over 2 million views. In addition to the book, she has created The Great Love Experiment; a show where audience members learn about the science of love by participating in research reenactments on stage. It’s a fun and often hilarious event that she does at colleges, comedy clubs and singles events. See excerpts of the show here: https://vimeo.com/168358958

Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind and Finding True Love
By Dawn Maslar, MS
Available directly from the publisher at www.hcibooks.com or 800-441-5569
and at fine bookstores everywhere
ISBN: 9780757319259

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Book Promo: How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo

How to Be an Adult in Relationships:
The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

“Most people think of love as a feeling,” says David Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—one that focuses not on finding an ideal mate, but on becoming a more loving and realistic person. Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationshipsexplores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:

1.  Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
2.  Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
3.  Appreciation of all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
4.  Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
5.  Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.

When deeply understood and applied, these five simple concepts—what Richo calls the five A’s—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A’s, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and they become a ground for personal transformation.

About the Author

David Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth.

He received his BA in psychology from Saint John’s Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.

Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving and The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.

Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.

Editorial Reviews

“Well-constructed and thought-provoking.”—Spirituality & Health

“An inspiring and highly practical guide to effective relationships.”—Kathlyn Hendricks, coauthor of Conscious Loving and The Conscious Heart

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Barnes&Noble

Communication in Relationships

Why Communication Is The Oxygen
That Keeps Relationships Alive
Daily ‘Check-Ins’ Can Get Couples Talking, Psychologist Says

Married couples should have plenty to say to each other, but research says communication is one of the issues they struggle with most.

Part of the problem may be that communication is a two-way street, requiring both partners to do it well. And some subjects are more ticklish than others to bring up.

“Healthy couple communication is not just about expressing your needs, but also about being an active listener and desiring to understand your partner’s perspective,” says Dr. Anne Brennan Malec, clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist, and author of the book “Marriage in Modern Life: Why It Works, When It Works.” (www.drannemalec.com)

For couples, she says, communication is like oxygen. The relationship needs it to stay alive.

“Couples never come into my office and say, ‘We are talking way too much,’ ” Dr. Malec says. “It is always, ‘We have a problem with communication.’ ”

That rarely means they shut each other out completely, Dr. Malec says. They talk, but often they sidestep what’s really troubling them.

“Couples sometimes avoid difficult conversations and conflict because they fear it will turn ugly,” Dr. Malec says.

She says when it comes to communicating, there are a few traps to watch out for and some effective strategies to employ.

•  Getting passive-aggressive. Some people act out their feelings instead of talking about them. That’s called being passive-aggressive and as a relationship strategy it ranks near the bottom, Dr. Malec says. “You say one thing and do another, or worse, you say nothing but roll your eyes or sigh dramatically,” she says. “This communicates judgment and contempt, which is disrespectful to your partner.”

People usually act passive-aggressively because discussing their thoughts, feelings and opinions makes them uncomfortable or seems too risky. “I see it all the time,” Dr. Malec says. “A partner agrees to do something they have no intention of doing just to get the spouse to stop nagging.” Passive-aggressive habits foster distance between partners so it’s absolutely necessary to replace them with healthier communication strategies to restore the connection.

•  Assuming your partner is psychic. Sometimes spouses don’t communicate their needs or desires because they expect their partner to somehow know. “Expecting your partner to know intuitively what you want without saying it sets your partner up to fail,” Dr. Malec says. “None of us are mind readers.”

It’s far more effective, and people stand a much greater chance of getting their needs met, when they learn to share their thoughts directly.

•  Checking in. Communication often devolves into a heated argument over the family’s latest crisis, or involves the resurrection of old grievances. But communicating should be a way to head off problems instead of causing them, and can be if the right steps are taken, Dr. Malec says. She encourages clients to have at least a 20-minute daily check-in. This is a time to catch up on the day’s events and talk about what’s coming up the next day. “Done right, it can lead to smoother mornings in getting yourselves and the kids out of the house,” Dr. Malec says.

•  Addressing the bigger picture. In addition to short daily check-ins, couples should schedule weekly sessions to discuss bigger-picture items. That might include financial goals, work issues or parenting concerns, Dr. Malec says. Some couples do better if the agenda is set ahead of time. “A spoken agenda works fine for a lot of people,” she says. “But conflict-ridden couples may need a written agenda to stay focused and keep the conversation running smoothly.”

If necessary, use a clock to ensure equal talking time. Partners also can use an object such as a spoon or book that is passed back and forth to indicate whose turn it is to speak. Dr. Malec says that will help keep the couple centered and reduce the likelihood of either partner becoming overheated. Partners are more willing to engage in a conversation if they know they will have a chance to be heard.

“For many of us, our natural instinct is to avoid situations that feel complicated and confrontational,” Dr. Malec says. “But keeping and maintaining a successful marriage depends on learning how to fight the ‘avoidance’ instinct and discuss difficult issues.”

About Dr. Anne Brennan Malec

Dr. Anne Brennan Malec (www.drannemalec.com) is the founder and managing partner of Symmetry Counseling (www.symmetrycounseling.com), a group counseling, coaching and psychotherapy practice in Chicago. She also is author of the book ”Marriage in the Modern Life: Why It Works, When It Works.” Dr. Malec earned her Bachelor’s degree from Villanova University in Accountancy and holds two Master’s degrees: one in Liberal Studies from DePaul University, and one in Marital and Family Therapy from Northwestern University. Dr. Malec earned her Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

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Happy Valentine’s Weekend!

Finding A Magical Match Online
This Valentine’s Day

Couple Says ‘Mirror Effect’ Can Help You
Discover Your Soul Mate

The approach of Valentine’s Day can nudge some single people into once again launching their search for true romance.

The question is how to go about it. Many may try online dating, but most still fail to find the love of their life.

They endure date after date with potential partners who prove a poor match. The experience leaves them feeling frustrated and hopeless, and makes them reluctant to continue to put their trust in the Internet to find a lasting relationship.

But it could be the dating methodology that’s the problem.

So how can online dating succeed when relationships fail 50 percent of the time, asks Troy Pummill, an entrepreneur from Silicon Valley whose courtship with his wife, Judy Day, led the couple to create a different kind of dating and relationship site, www.MagicalMatches.com

“There is a fatal flaw that keeps people failing,” Pummill says. “Dating and relationships is one single, inseparable, continuous progression. Online dating addresses a small portion of the progression—just the introduction. Online dating drops daters at the front door of the restaurant. The daters are on their own from there.”

People get more training on how to drive a car than how to find the right partner, say Pummill and Day, who co-authored the book “The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates (6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating).”

“People fail over and over at the part after the introduction, which leaves them feeling like they’ll never find love,” Day says.

The couple says the “mirror effect” addresses the complete process, from dating all the way through relationship by supplying the first new blueprint for relationships in 50 years.

So how does the Mirror Effect and the 6 Steps draw a new relationships blueprint? It demolishes the 50-year-old traditional relationship paradigm and builds a distinctly different approach to dating and relationships, Pummill and Day say.

•  Provides a relationship target. Today, relationships are a mix of work and love.  But the 50 percent divorce rate tells us that “work and love” are not enough. The Mirror Effect changes that equation by producing astoundingly deep loving relationships that are not work. Mirror Law No. 1 says that if you’re working at your relationship, it’s the wrong relationship.

•  Uses 6 Steps.  In order to succeed at the entire dating and relationship progression, the 6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match links introduction, dating, relationship, and selection into a single, successful progression in which each step builds on the previous and leads to the next.

•  Provides tangible measurements. One of the major failures in online dating is that there are no tangible measurements. Having a relationship target and a set of steps allows each step to be measured to ensure that the dater is on the path to an amazing, profound relationship that will change their life.

•  Restores the dater’s hope and faith. Using a designed, results-oriented dating and relationship plan equals more successes and far fewer failures. Daters not only begin to feel that finding deep love is possible, but that it is inevitable.  It restores hope that they will succeed and restores faith in love itself.

About Troy Pummill and Judy Day

Troy Pummill is an inventor, consultant and entrepreneur with 25 years experience in Silicon Valley, where he worked with start-up network equipment manufacturers specializing in network protocols. After a 20-year marriage, Pummill discovered the “mirror effect” during his pursuit of true love, leading him and Judy Day, his wife, to create MagicalMatches.com (www.MagicalMatches.com) and co-author “The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates (6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating).” Day is a CEO, patent holder and entrepreneur. She ran a high-altitude hospital at the base of Mount Everest while working as an intensive care unit registered nurse. She never considered marriage until encountering the “mirror effect.”

Book Promo: The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates; 6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating

The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates; 6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating 

by Troy Pummill & Judy Day

How to Find Your Online Match During the Holiday Season
Unhappily Single? Dating & Relationship Entrepreneurs Offer Tips

New research suggests that online dating is succeeding at making better relationships – but how much better is it really?

The research, published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences from a survey of 20,000 people who took the plunge between 2005 and 2012, found an increase in marital satisfaction from online dating, but only by a slim margin.

“Such a small gain in satisfaction signals only one possible conclusion: We will continue to experience a very high long-term divorce rate until there is a significant improvement in martial happiness”, says Troy Pummill, an entrepreneur from Silicon Valley whose courtship with his wife, Judy Day, led the couple to create a different kind of dating and relationship site,www.MagicalMatches.com

“Online dating has potential to be the greatest leap forward in finding love, ever.  But, until online dating goes beyond mere introductions to suggest a new approach to dating and relationships, people will continue to treat online dating like a virtual bar, which is a road that inevitably leads to the same failed relationships of the past. It’s not working. It’s time for a radical departure.”

To that end, the couple has co-authored “The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates (6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating)” which provides a distinctly different approach of dating and relationships. 

“The ‘mirror effect’ is a phenomenon that reveals a profound, immediate connection that occurs between two people who are highly alike,” says Day.  “It happens when you find a person whose heart and soul is just like yours – you think and feel the same, value the same things, enjoy the same things. That connection can lead to deep love, a lasting romance.”

How do you find lasting, deep love online?  Pummill and Day offer these tips:

•  Your profile can be your most powerful tool – if you use it correctly.Don’t waste time listing superficial, external attributes that have nothing to do with who you are inside. Not only will it look just like a million other profiles, it won’t help your “mirror” find you. A profile should reflect who you are inside, the essential qualities that shape your soul, heart and mind. Instead of “I like movies, traveling and jigsaw puzzles,” write about your dreams, aspirations, passions and feelings regarding your perspectives on love and life and how you view the world.  These qualities present a clear picture of your core elements – and anyone with the same qualities will recognize a match.

•  If your relationship is work, it’s the wrong relationship. This is Mirror Law No.1. Traditionally, we’re taught that relationships take work, and lots of it. With a perfect mirror, however, there’s no friction and no compromise. Having a happy, fulfilling relationship is effortless. You will likely meet people who are nearly mirror matches, but hold out for the perfect magical match. Life is short and time is precious; be willing to let the near misses go.

•  Commit to your search; make it a mission. As with anything you wish in life, in order to succeed, you must wholeheartedly commit to the process: Use a profile that mirrors your heart, soul and mind; date only those who see themselves in your profile; quickly let go of the near misses; don’t settle for less than absolutely amazing. You will find that when you demand the best, eventually, you get it. 

About Troy Pummill and Judy Day

Troy Pummill is an inventor, consultant and entrepreneur with 25 years experience in Silicon Valley, where he worked with start-up network equipment manufacturers specializing in network protocols. After a 20-year marriage, Pummill discovered the “mirror effect” during his pursuit of true love, leading him and Judy Day, his wife, to create MagicalMatches.com (www.MagicalMatches.com) and co-author “The Mirror Effect: More Than Soul Mates (6 Steps to Finding Your Magical Match Using Online Dating).” Day is a CEO, patent holder and entrepreneur. She ran a high-altitude hospital at the base of Mount Everest while working as an intensive care unit registered nurse. She never considered marriage until encountering the “mirror effect.”

Book Promo: Husbands May Come and Go but Friends are Forever

JM Husbands final front cover

 Husbands May Come and Go but Friends are Forever: A Novel

by Judith Marshall

Award-winning author Judith Marshall has written an ambitious novel in which one of the most entrenched problems of modern-day womanhood is explored – our rigid clinging to control over our personal and professional lives and our reluctance to reach out for help when we most need it. Hilarious moments vie with heartbreaking ones in Husbands May Come and Go but Friends are Forever, which is a celebration of fresh hopes, second chances, and the anything-but-simple art of relationships.

The book has received more than 60 5-star reviews on Amazon and has been optioned for the big screen.

The story takes place in Northern California, in the spring of 2000, when the dot-com boom was at its peak. Elizabeth Reilly-Hayden is a successful executive in her late fifties and a divorced mother of two. Emotionally armored and living alone, she wants only to maintain the status quo: her long-term significant other, her job, and her trusted friends-five feisty women whose high school friendship has carried them through multiple marriages, dramatic divorces, and maddening menopause. Yet in a matter of days, the three anchors that have kept her moored are ripped away. The group of lifelong pals gathers at Lake Tahoe to attend to the funeral arrangements of their beloved friend and tries to unravel the mystery of her death. Through their shared tragedy, Elizabeth learns how disappointment and grief can bloom into healing and hope.

JM image002

Judith Marshall is a third generation native Californian, born in St. Helena, California. Her lifelong dream of writing fiction was realized with the completion of “Husbands May Come and Go but Friends are Forever,” winner of the Jack London Prize for fiction awarded by the California Writers Club. The book has been optioned for the big screen. Ms. Marshall is an active member of the California Writers Club, The Women’s National Book Association, and a regular participant in writing classes and workshops. She continues to hone her craft and is currently working on her second novel, “Staying Afloat,” the story of a devoted stay-at-home wife and mother who morphs into a sex-starved adulteress.

Buy Link on Amazon (paperback or Kindle)

Tips for Feeling Better

3 Simple Things You Can Do Today
to Feel Better Tomorrow

Doctor Outlines Easy Changes That Can Vastly
Improve Health, Happiness and Well-Being

“Imagine you’re a spider with just one leg,” says Dr. Frank King.

“You put forth immense effort to try to haul yourself around and not only does it wear you out, it’s frustrating and you don’t get far.” King is a chiropractor and doctor of naturopathy specializing in homeopathic remedies, and author of The Healing Revolution (www.kingbio.com).

“It gets a bit easier with two legs and easier still with four legs. But it’s not till you have all eight legs that you can really dance.”

Dr. King explains that the eight legs represent Eight Essentials we need for optimum mental, physical and spiritual health: Empowering your human spirit; Water; Nutrition; Fitness; Sleep; Nature; Relationships; and Hands On Techniques (touch).

“It would be overwhelming and self-defeating to look at all eight areas and think, ‘I have to make significant changes in every area immediately!” Dr. King says. “You don’t have to and who could? I know from my experience with countless patients and friends, and even in my own life, that you can see immediate results by making a few small changes at a time.”

Dr. King describes three that are easy to make and will have you feeling better quickly.

•  Drink half your body weight in ounces of spring or well water every day.
If you weigh 150 pounds, that’s 75 ounces of water (about 9 cups).

“Many of us walk around dehydrated without realizing it and that can have a significant effect on our health and how we feel,” Dr. King says. Dehydrated bodies trap toxins and encourage water retention – a natural defense against the chronic “drought.”

“Our bodies need the steady flow of pure, spring or well water. If you don’t like the taste, try mixing up to a teaspoon of sea salt into a quart of water,” he says.

A simple test for dehydration: Pinch the skin on the back of your hand and hold for three seconds. When you release, if the ridge from the pinch remains for more than a second, you’re probably dehydrated.

•  Take at least a few minutes every day to connect with nature. Nature brings perpetual revitalization and ongoing renewal, especially when experienced through multiple senses:  the smell of freshly turned earth or evergreens in the woods; the touch of cool stream water on your face or feet; the sight of birds on the wing and budding blooms.

“These are not just pleasant little gifts to experience – we need them for restoration, renewal, revival and rehabilitation,” Dr. King says. “The more disconnected we become from the Earth, the more we inhibit our body’s natural ability to heal.”

•  Take a brisk, 10- to 20-minute walk every day. Walking is the simplest, most natural form of exercise. You might walk a nature trail, walk to the store instead of driving or take your pet for a stroll.

“Three brisk 10-minute walks a day are as effective at lowering blood pressure as one 30-minute walk,” Dr. King says, citing an Arizona State University study.

“Outdoor walking is preferable to walking on a treadmill or other machine, since the uneven surfaces and changing directions of natural walking will engage more muscles and tendons.”

Swing each arm in synchronization with the opposite foot to strengthen your cross-crawl functionality and mind-body balance.

About Dr. Frank King

Dr. Frank King is a chiropractor, doctor of naturopathy, and founder and president of King Bio, an FDA-registered pharmaceutical manufacturing company dedicated to education, research, development, manufacture and distribution of safe and natural homeopathic medicines for people and pets. Dr. King is also the author of, The Healing Revolution: Eight Essentials to Awaken Abundant Life Naturally!(www.kingbio.com). A fourth-generation farmer, Dr. King raises yak, camel, boar, wisent and American bison sold under the Carolina Bison brand. He is a member of the Homeopathic Pharmacopoeia Convention of the United States.