Proof That Advice Doesn’t Need to Be Complicated

You’re Tearing Us Apart; Twenty Ways We Wreck Our Relationships And Strategies To Repair Them
By Pat Love, Eva Berlander, and Kathleen McFadden, Illustrated by Andres Berlander

Many broken relationships not only can be mended, but magnificent, say the authors of You’re Tearing Us Apart; Twenty Ways We Wreck Our Relationships and Strategies to Repair Them (HCI Books—$12.95), Pat Love, Eva Berlander, and Kathleen McFadden. Readers get a quick and straight to the point look at twenty ways a relationship can be ruined and most importantly how to fix them. Using more than fifty years of combined professional experience and scientific study, they’ve ensured tried-and-true strategies that work.

Experience proves one person can destroy a relationship not two. A broken trust can be caused by just one person pushing the other too far. It can happen either by invading privacy, over criticizing, or even a drunken argument. But the good news is that while one person can indeed break the relationship apart, one person can also be the one to fix it. All it takes is three steps:

Step 1: Recognize the part of your behavior that undermines intimacy
Step 2: Replace harmful behaviors with healthy acts of love
Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2!

Who has the time and inclination to wade through 200 pages to find a solution to an immediate relational problem? These three authors collaborated to write a narrative where each chapter is broken down into four easy to understand sections. The first illustrates what it’s like to live with someone practicing the relationship-threatening behavior. Then the psychology behind the behavior is explained followed by a concise description as to why the behavior is so threatening to the relationship. Each chapter ends with a variety of strategies to help any couple overcome their problems.

The snack-able chapters found in You’re Tearing Us Apart can be read one by one or completely devoured; either way, readers come out with an independent-study degree in relationship problem-solving. The book teaches the reader how to acknowledge, understand, and make a change to fix the problems in their relationships. The scenarios are easily relatable and give the reader a better understanding of how each problem affects the relationship. The many solutions given at the end of each chapter give readers plenty of options to adapt into their relationships.

In addition, each chapter is introduced with a piece of artwork that mirrors the problems of the chapter. The original artwork is gender neutral as well as the writing. This allows the text to be adapted by any type of couple looking to fix their relationship.

With the techniques found in this book, any couple can learn to move forward while creating happy, healthy relationships.

About the Authors:

Pat Love, Ed.D, is a distinguished professor, author, trainer and long-standing licensed clinician. Her ever-popular books Hot Monogamy and The Truth About Love have taken her around the world and on numerous shows in the U.S., such as Oprah, The Today Show and CNN. Dr. Love is also a regular contributor to Psychology Today.

Kathleen McFadden is a writer, trainer, relationship coach, and co-founder of the Love Education™ certification program. Known for her authentic style, she has been a featured workshop presenter and speaker for national and international conferences. Her passion is applying research to develop new training programs that truly help change lives. She has co-developed programs including the New Hot Monogamy, Hot Monogamy Essentials, The Essence of Marriage, and the series Love—What Everyone Needs to Know. Kathleen and her husband of 21 years have one daughter.

Eva Berlander founded the education center, Swedish Imago Relationship Institute, with the long term goal of creating a better world – one individual, one couple, one therapist at a time. Eva has more than 25 years of experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples therapist. She is the author of three books in Swedish, and You Can Make it Happen: How Breakthroughs in Neuroscience Can Transform Relationships. She lives in Sweden with her husband, Sven, two sons, and their dog, Kiwa.

Available wherever books are sold or to order directly from the publisher, contact: or (800) 441-5569

You’re Tearing Us Apart; Twenty Ways We Wreck Our Relationships and Strategies to Repair Them
Pat Love, Kathleen McFadden, Eva Berlander
ISBN: 978-0-7573-1862-7 $12.95– October 2015

Author Interview of Pat Love:

1.     Are relationships more difficult today than in the past?

Yes!  Because expectations are greater and stressors are greater.

2.     Relationships take a lot of work; are they really worth it?

Only if you value health, wealth and happiness.

3.     Why is criticism so destructive to relationships?

It threatens the connection between us which is part of the human survival strategy.

4.     Why is silence or stonewalling so destructive to relationships?

It threatens the connection between us which is part of the human survival strategy.

5.     How do you break these habits that can destroy relationships?

The only way to break a habit is to form a new one!

6.     How do you rebuild trust once it has been broken?

Three step: (1) Say what you are going to do. (2) Do it. (3) Repeat steps 1 and 2!

7.     Why is sex so important in relationships?

It promotes bonding, protection, closeness and connection.

8.     What is the key to passion?

Novelty, plus five secret ingredients you only get with an interview.

9.     Is it possible to maintain passion over the course of time with the same partner?

Yes, but it doesn’t come naturally to most of us.

10.     Is Love your real name?

Yes. I was born with it!


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